Part 2: The Two Monkeys

Three days after leaving the hermitage, Aho came across a strange commotion. Ahead of him, on a narrowing trail, he could hear two animated and excitable voices. As he drew closer, he saw two snow monkeys pushing a large round vegetable up the mountain. The snow monkeys were small, funny-looking creatures and the vegetable was much larger than they were. Curious as to why they were pushing a large, round vegetable up a mountain path, Aho approached the two monkeys.

“Hello.” he said, “How are you both this morning?” They did not respond. In fact, they did not even notice that Aho was there as they were very busy chattering with each other. Now, Aho had no idea what they were talking about, but he did eventually discover that they were the Sugiru Brothers, Omo-u and Omo-i and as they seemed to be going in the same direction as he, he decided to travel with them (whether they noticed him or not).

“Baked sweet potato tastes like a woman’s kiss,” said Omo-u (or was it Omo-i?)
“What?! Baked sweet potato is red banana,” replied Omo-I (or was it Omo-u?).
“A red banana? What on earth does a red banana taste like?”
“I’ve never had a red banana, but I’ve had plenty of baked sweet potatoes. That’s how I know!”
“Well, I’ve had plenty of women and I know what I’m talking about.”
“But I’ve never seen you eat sweet potato!”
“You’re not supposed to eat it, just taste it.”
“If you don’t eat the potato, how will you ever grow a potato inside of yourself?”
“Bah! If you save your money you can always buy some later. Don’t you know anything?”
“You don’t know anything!”
“Yes I do. I’m pushing a potato up this mountain.”
“Are you mad? I’m pushing this potato, not you. Talking with you is pointless!”
“I told you that before we started! You never listen!”
“How can I listen if you don’t stop talking? You’re a chatterbox! That’s what you are.”!”
“A chatterbox? You’ve just never kissed a woman.”
“Ah, now I see the problem. You think you can understand a woman just by touching her, when the only way to really understand something is to eat it.”
“So what am I supposed to do… eat a woman?”
“If you are serious about all this, you will have to try it at some point.”
“Eating a woman? Now I know you’re crazy.”
“I’m trying to help you see the truth!”
“You know it has nothing to do with red bananas, don’t you?”
“Who’s talking about red bananas? I’m talking about tasting women.”
“And then what, I become a woman?”
“No. You’d become a sweet potato and that would be an improvement.”
“You’re just jealous because I found a smoother potato.”
“Smooth and empty, like your head.”
“No matter what, I think we can agree that pickling the potato is the absolute best way to prepare it.”
“Well, it’s not like we have much choice. Raw potato is poisonous.”
“I never heard that before. Where did you learn this?”
“I heard someone say it.”
“Gotta be true, then.”
“Also, potato has to be pickled for thirty years to make it soft enough to taste.”
“My mother always fried it up and smothered it with honey.”
“Why would she do something so stupid?”
“So she could eat it.”
“But you don’t?”
“Oh hell no. I put them up my arse.”
“Of course you did.”
“Yeah, in my tree, we all put potatoes up our arses. That’s the only way to really feel the potato.”
“You fool! Potato isn’t for touching, it’s for chewing. You pickle it for thirty years, fry it, then chew it and spit it out. Don’t forget to rinse your mouth afterwards.”
“Why?”
“Potato juice is poisonous!”
“Then why would we chew it?”
“Is there no end to your stupidity?”…